the skin on me has to peel itself

Boys Club, Theatre Workshop, with Pudhiyadhor. Photography: Sudharshan

I quit my first desk job this week. It was the reason I wasn’t around here too much. I am back to writing and theatre. Luckily, I have a bit of savings I can count on for a month. I’d probably find a desk or something more interesting by then.

Tomorrow, I will be going to Boys’ Club at Besant Nagar to work at the Pudhiyadhor’s after-school centre for children. I worked with the children in August to create a small play for Independence Day. It was called Alai Veesum Kadal Mele where these kids talked what it meant for them to be free.

Theatre helps me understand all of my challenges and helps me learn more. With each play, I figure what it is in me that needs more working. For instance, how much ever I can sit back and put together a play I myself have a million inhibitions on stage. It is true that not only actors can be directors, but somehow I think being an actor helps.

I’ve tried on many occasions to lose this curtain and become like these children so open and receiving. However, its true there are not too many children around with childhoods anymore.

I have realized through the two months at this desk that my body is tight blob of flesh and bones. It hardly moves. It hardly feels. It limits itself. And it aches.

I found this Butoh workshop happening in Dharmasala and it costs a good 20k for a month. I know I need it, but economically not many of us can. I hope I shall someday.

Tomorrow, going to work with the children again. Very excited. I have some good songs and stories ready.

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